~ EmOtIoNaL~

Ok let's just say having it be that time of the month, dealing with the holidays, being single, accepting the heartbreak you recently went thought, reading a teen novel with all the raw expressive emotions, ahhhh, I feel like I am 16 all over again. Except I am not 16 and I was never this way when I was 16. Listening to a lite radio station that's occasionally throwing in soft sad Christmas music or love songs that I find myself just breaking into tears. I'm not necessarily sad before the song plays but then can find myself completely wrapped up into it as its playing. All I need is the song to simply end and then I am me again. That is living in the moment too much. To live from song to song. Especially since most songs these days are barely even just two minutes a piece. All the time reading a story that when I read I feel like I am one with the character.
At 28 I know I still have my whole life ahead of me, yet at this point I have lived. I do have stories to tell. I had dreams, went for them, and have made new hopes and goals for myself. In high school I wrote a poem that I am still proud of today, not just because I got an A++ in English for it, and I never got A's in English, especially an A++, but because I find it very profound, even to this day, I have gone back to my words:

"Soaring in the air, having the freedom to go anywhere. Soaring north, south, east, and west, to find the very best. But when you look, you will find, the best is what you left behind."

I never thought my own words could come back to me in so many different ways. This poem has brought back happy, sad, angry, all sorts of emotions.

The difference for me now is this. What makes us soar in the air? when I wrote it I was only 14. I was thinking about my youth, my opportunities. I knew I had the choice for high school, I had great friends from junior high that were all going to the public school together. My parents made the choice for me to go to catholic high school. An opportunity I know I was supposed to be thankful for, and yet it just does not always work that way. It was so hard adjusting to the all girls catholic high school my mom had wanted me to go to since she graduated from there herself. I have found it hard to make the friends I left behind ever since. Now, looking back, this is not only because I left and went to another high school. It is the adjustment from childhood to adolescence. Childhood is the best!!! I really truly loved it and enjoyed every minute of it.
I now work with kids and love being so close to childhood again. My goal is to now live life as simply as I did as a child. Everyone that knows me knows that I am still responsible and mature and all that, but I am talking about those innocent eyes. The way they look at the world.

Yet I feel like I am unable to remove myself from adolescence this week with all these emotions. It can be quite tiresome. Well I have a fun night planned, monopoly with my cousins. Classic childhood moment at its best. Just what the doctor ordered : )