Chapstick

It's cold and windy out so of course I keep applying my chapstick to keep nice smooth lips. Not like they're getting any use these days but nothing bothers me more than my own chapped lips than having to look at someone and force a smile although all I can think of is how could they let their lips get so chapped? You'd think that was enough thought to come from simply putting on chapstick but if you know me better you know that the thoughts keep on a rolling. I was doing really well with moving on and accepting that it is that simple my ex was just that into himself and not me and I deserve so much better and so we are not together anymore. But then thoughts still come back to me, like when I put on my chapstick. I even bought him his chapstick! Every little thing this holiday season being me back to all those things that I did for him. Picking up all those toiletrees, making phone calls from dr appointments to renewing magazines, and of course much much more. I have gained dollar spent and time since. Then I ask myself... have I lost anything? was he ever as giving to me as I was to him? will I stip myself from this behavior in the future?

I need to fall in love with myself. I don't mean this is vain sense although everything about it may suggest otherwise. I just want and need that happy love feeling to come from within. I do not, I cannot, accept it or look for it from someone else. I know if I were to do that I wouldn't be fooling anyone. Awareness, I can be overly aware and notice the smallest details and then sometimes I miss the most obvious. So what I will do is this, the thing that makes most sense as I pride myself in being very sensable and practical despite the far fetched thoughts I may sometimes have... I will continue to love me, yes, me. I will look within and do, not think about, but do whatever it is that makes me happy and work on things that I need to do for me to be the best me that I know I can and will be. For starters it will be to go to the store later for some more chapstick because I know I have and will keep soft lips despite the harshness of the winter storms to come. After all it was all about the chapstick to begin with :)